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April 21, 2014 / Jon Ericson

Unbelief

People sometimes assume Christians believe in the face of rational thinking. For some, that may be true. But I find that my gut instinct is to disbelieve and only by reviewing rationally what I have discovered to be true do I believe. A simple experiment proves it for me. When I look at this picture, my instinct says that when I fly home tonight, Bob will meet me at the airport as he often did.

Bob and Joshua, Feb. 2012

But the rational, logical, controlled portion of my mind tells me that he won’t be there. I live maybe 90% of my life the same as any agnostic. It’s only when I make a special effort that I am confronted with the truth. It isn’t that I haven’t thought about the evidence that I believe. Rather, it’s because I haven’t internalized the evidence enough that I often doubt.

I have no answers for my son today. I’ll be leaving for Virginia for at least a week and my biggest worry is that he needs a father’s embrace right now. He loves his uncle and I don’t think he really believes Bob is gone. Most of the time, I don’t either.

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